Should a parent meddle in his child's personal affairs?

Korek! Pati mga ganitong column binabasa ko.  So maski horoscope, recipe di pinapalagpas.  Here is an interesting letter from a mother, and a more interesting answer from Emily Marcelo who has a regular column at Inquirer. 

Do you agree?

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DEAR EMILY,


I have a daughter who just turned 20 years old. She has a boyfriend she met in high school. They’ve been going steady for five years. I can’t help but feel that my daughter will end up with this boy permanently.

I have reservations about this boy and his family. He is an only child whose parents never required him to get a college degree. I know families with more children and more impoverished background whose goal is to get their kids into college. This says a lot about the kind of parents this boy has.

Though he is currently employed, I hear that he has no savings. I can only guess that he has no plans to get a college degree or has a direction in life.

Should I talk to my daughter about my concerns, specifically their plans in life—together and individually?

I want my children to live full lives and, as a parent, guide them to the right path, though in the end, the choices are still theirs to make.

—H

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(here is Emily's reply)
Let me preface my reply to you by quoting a portion of a poem by the poet Kahlil Gibran:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.


What parent wouldn’t want the best for his kids? As in everything—you can talk to them till you grow feathers— but in the end, children will only listen to their own drummer. They know everything—and nothing. It is only when they get knocked down, so to speak, get bruised or beaten and feel the actual pain—will they grow up and wisen up.

Be the quiet shoulder your daughter can weep on when she needs it. Whisper subtle whiffs of wisdom to her. Tell her snippets of real life stories without pontificating, sounding heavy, judgmental, or knowing it all. That’ll be a bummer! Let her percolate these ideas in her mind. Besides, aren’t parents themselves just students in this continuing education of life?

Allow your daughter to flap her wings and test the winds to freedom. Be there when she fails, and soar with her when she succeeds. She’ll learn how to live life her own way. All your admonitions, your wisdom, your courage will eventually jell in her being, if and when the time she needs them comes— not before.