***
TANONG: Paano mo sasabihin sa isang babae na mataba siya nang hindi siya mababastos?SAGOT: ’Uhm, excuse me, miss…Mang Tomas ba ang lotion mo?’
***
Nanay: Ano ‘tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?Anak : Hindi po ‘yan zero, ‘Nay. Naubusan lang ng star ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako ng moon! Moon lang ‘yan, ‘Nay, promise!
***
Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na sana ang bahala sa lahat-lahat. .. I LOVE YOU!
Wife: Tumigil ka! wala pang namamatay sa TULI!
***
Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: Sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh… Lumalaban!!
***
BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital): Hello… may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!
***
Juan: Birthday ng asawa ko…
Pedro: Ano regalo mo?
Juan: Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro: Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?Juan: Baraha.
*************
At eto naman ang koleksyon ng mga excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country.
1. My son is under a doctors care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. (Hala! Sige. Silya elektrika at bitay. Sabay pa! O kaya niyo yun?)
2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. (Pag nag-absent pala papatayin ka…Baka may rabies…)
3. Dear School : Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31.32, and also 33. ( Aba grabe to. Nasa kalendaryo pa ang birthday ko kung ganon. Hahaha!)
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. (Ano daw???? )
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. (Hanapin natin!)
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. (Bwehehehe..-. la ako masabi… Bwahahaha! Ganito kasi yan. Kinagat siya ni Lola sa noo sa gigil. Tapos nabali yung ngipin ng pustiso niya. Hahaha!!!)
7. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. (Buti pa veins niya. Close sila. Hahahaha!!!)
8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. (Aah…..eh.-…i…..-ow….u..-..)
9. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. (So transsexual pala si Irving ?)
10. Sally wont be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. ( Ala e! Mabuhay ang Patay!! Mayroong Himala!!!)
11. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. (Ano bang tinuturo sa eskuwelahang ito?!?!.)
12. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. (Ay grabe! Iba na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon. Hahaha!)
13. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat,headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat,her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasnt the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. (Hahaha, telenovela..-. bow. Makuwento siya ha…)
14. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. (Winner to!!!!!!!!!! Ang galing!!!! Puwede rin kaya sa office ito?)
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